Polaroids
by BMT
Summary: Life happens, and is full of love, loss, fights, and happiness. At the end of it all, what really matters the most? Written for the Twilight 25 Challenge, Round 2.
1. Prelude

The Twilight Twenty-Five  
Prompt: Prelude  
Pen name: BMT  
Pairing: Edward/Bella  
Rating: M

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters or references that may appear in this story. The rest is copyright 2010 by BMT. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my written authorization.**

--Many thanks to my lovely betas maggieloo402 and Lovingangels07 for agreeing to edit my crap. Links to both of these wonderful ladies (and their killer fics) are on my profile!

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Chapter 1 – Prelude

Date: 2069 (Bella is 81)

BPOV

They say that you look back on your life when it's coming to an end and draw a list of regrets and what-ifs. You sit, if you're lucky enough to live to a ripe old age, and go over your life with a fine tooth comb. You wonder how things would have turned out if you had done even the smallest of things differently.

As I sit here reflecting on all that I have done, I can honestly say that I have not regretted anything. Every event, every memory, and every conversation has influenced who I became and what I accomplished. I wonder how many people will end their lives with the contentedness that I feel. I know my time is coming, but I am amongst the lucky ones.

As I look around at the Christmas scene in front of me, I feel a pang of remorse. My family is celebrating the season today, with presents and wrapping paper strewn about the room and the smells of Christmas dinner lingering in the air. I will miss this. The love I know for my family is timeless, and to be in their presence is a great comfort to my weary mind. I hope they can feel my love for them even when I am gone.

I have a love for this season. This is the time that _he_ first expressed his love for me; the first time that he was able to call me his fiancée. I fidget with the diamond on my ring finger. It glints in the light, just as it had so many years ago. To me, it is sparkling with all the tears of happiness and sorrow from our long marriage. It makes me miss him even more than I thought possible.

I cannot believe that the years have passed by so rapidly. Our grandchildren are now young adults, adjusting to the onset of parenthood, marriage and 'grown up' responsibility. I smile as I remember the days that both of them had been born; those were joyous days for _him _and me. They say that having grandchildren is one of the greatest joys of life, and I can now stand in testament to that fact.

Now our great grandchildren are screeching at one another, and I love all three of them. Their births had been beacons of light in my darkness. was difficult celebrating them without _him_ by my side, but a small part of me knew that _he_ was with me those days. _He_ was with me every day, even as they grow up. I have loved watching them develop and embrace life with the energy and innocence of youth.

Our beautiful daughter is frazzled by the preparations for the holiday, but she embraces that with grace. _He_ always told me that she was a mirror image of my younger self. Even at 50, she looks young and acts youthful. Her passion for life is wonderful, and I could not be more proud of the strong woman she continues to be. She sits beside her husband, who pulls her down into his arms. I see the same love _he _had for me reflected in my son-in-law's eyes as he looks at my daughter, and my heart swells in recognition; it really is so rare.

One of the greatest wishes parents share is for their child to marry a person who is good to them, and that they have a strong and healthy marriage. My son-in-law embraces the role with vigor and unending love. I could not have chosen a better partner for my daughter if I had tried. Being around him constantly reminded me of my own husband; their mannerisms were almost identical at times. Though it was painful to be around someone who reminded me so much of my own soul mate, those characteristics only assured me that he was a great man, and it was easy to welcome him into our family.

This joy I feel is always overshadowed with the constant pain my soul feels. I miss _him_ every minute of every day. Though ten years hasn't dulled the pain, it has made me a better actress to mask my feelings. The moment he died, I knew that half of me died too. He tore half of my soul away, taking it with him to his final resting place, and that was not something I could ever forget for a moment.

I smile as the youngest of my great grandchildren comes up to me and proudly shows me his newest toy. I gently pick him up, and hold him close to my body. His mess of copper hair is almost the exact shade of my husband's, but I quickly shake away the thought as I kiss his forehead. The constant reminders have begun to wear on me. I _know_ he's gone; I _know_ that his memory is in the physical similarities of our offspring. Sometimes I just don't want to be reminded.

I longed to join him, to lie together for eternity. I put on a brave face for my family, but even the love I feel for them could never compare to what I feel for my husband. I refuse to bring everyone down on this occasion, and banish thoughts of him from my mind for the rest of the night.

After the festivities of the day, I go home alone and prepare for bed. Just as every other night before it, I take the framed picture of him and kiss it. I pray for my family, for my husband, and for any chance to see him again.

I am too old and too fragile. These ten years without him have taken a toll on my spirit. I am so tired, so very tired. I know that it is time to go home; to meet him wherever he is waiting for me. I am in ecstasy knowing that I will be able to be with him again. This knowledge has kept me going at my darkest times. I know he has been here, guiding me along. He has been waiting for me too.

I turn off the bedside light and start to replay my life in my mind. Memories are my comfort, and every touch we shared keeps me together. Slowly, I drift to sleep.


	2. Angst

The Twilight Twenty-Five  
Prompt: Apathy  
Pen name: BMT  
Pairing: Edward/Bella  
Rating: M

**Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters or references that may appear in this story. The rest is copyright 2010 by BMT. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my written authorization.  
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Date: 2010 (Bella and Edward are 22)

BPOV

I sat on my bed, staring off into space. Tears were streaming down my cheeks as my cell phone fell through numb fingers. This wasn't the first time I had hung up the phone with Edward and been reduced to tears immediately.

It wasn't that I didn't love him; I truly did. My love for him causes this heart-wrenching pain day after day.

Couldn't he see how deeply I loved him? Couldn't he understand how badly I wanted to be with him? A sob wracked my body as I fell sideways into the softness of my comforter. My natural instinct drew my body into fetal position, trying to hold myself together against the emotions that would tear my body apart.

I knew he was capable of being the compassionate, loving man that I cared for so deeply. He loved me, I was sure of it. He was loyal and would never look at another woman. He treated me to dinner and bought me gifts out of the blue, which I promptly scolded him for every time. He listened to me when I had a bad day and celebrated when life rewarded me in its many bountiful ways. He wasn't only my boyfriend; he was also my best friend.

For everything that my Edward was to me, he had his faults. He told me that I devalued the phrase 'I love you' by using it too much. That had hurt; did he not realize that I meant it from the bottom of my heart every single time that I uttered it? I have never gotten over that comment.

I needed physical reassurance of our love. I needed kisses, hugs, caresses and the simple contact of our intertwined hands, but his childhood had been devoid of these things, and he saw no need for them now. I know that he tried his best for me, but I couldn't help but feel burdensome when I know I have pushed him too far. Am I to be at fault for craving such reassurances?

Finally, my Edward had a flash fire temper. If something upset him and he was in a surly mood already, his temper flared. These times were few and far between, but when they did rear their ugly head it was hard to deal with him. He has the harshest reactions to the smallest things; it frustrates me so badly.

Tonight was no different. Sometimes he speaks without thinking, saying the smallest thing that may not be a big deal to him, but I take it personally. I called him to say goodnight and to tell him that I loved him. He told me that because I had stopped to see him earlier he was unable to get things done that he wanted to this evening.

Couldn't he see that such a small comment like that could be taken so many different ways? He made me feel guilty for taking away his time; I felt hurt that he would imply that I was a burden.

Edward and I had been together since our senior year in high school. We fell for each other gradually after his best friend Jasper introduced us. It had not been easy in the beginning, both of us not wanting to risk the blossoming friendship we had for such young, uncertain feelings. One day, we finally stopped listening to our heads and followed our hearts. Four years later, we were still together.

Sometimes I wondered why I was still with him, mostly when we were fighting. We were two different people who had barely anything in common. I tried to find an interest in his hobbies, but I failed on many accounts. I know that he would say the exact same thing about me. Our love seemed almost an accident; how could two people fall so deeply in love with so little in common?

Lately things had been strained between us. We were tense with each other, and even though this did happen in our relationship, it had never gone on for such an extended period of time. I know that a big part of the problem was the lack of commitment I had gotten from him. Being together for years was indeed a commitment; however, when other people are moving in together and getting engaged to their significant other of _significantly less _time together than we had, it made me wonder if that was the direction he was truly taking me in. I hated that I was turning into a jealous woman, but I was ready for further commitment in our relationship. I would try to drop subtle hints or bring it up in casual conversation, but he shot it down every time, inadvertently making me feel guilty for questioning his true intentions.

Regardless of everything that we had been through together and everything that we could be, I knew one thing--something had to change, for better or for worse. I picked up my cell phone and dialed his number as I had done countless times before.

"Edward," I began. "We need to talk."

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The next day, we met at our favourite coffee shop. It was a quaint little place, with stenciled lattice and vines on the walls and the scent of freshly ground coffee lingering in the air.

There was a bit of awkwardness between us as we greeted one another. I stood from my seat to give him a hug, and he held onto me a little longer than he usually did. I think he knew that this conversation was a pivotal point for us.

"Bella," he said.

"Edward," I replied as I released him and took my seat again. "Would you like to get something?"

He studied me for a moment before answering. "I'm not really in the mood for anything right now."

"Ok," I offered. I started to fidget with the half full mug before me. Coffee was the only thing keeping me alert at the moment, as I had gotten zero sleep the night before.

"What are we here for, Bella?" he questioned. I took a quick inventory of his appearance. His stubble was a couple days old, his hair messy and bags under his eyes. His clothing was wrinkled and disheveled, which was not his usual. I knew then that he had not slept last night either.

I looked into his eyes and saw anger, hurt and … resignation. That broke my heart. "I want you to know that I love you, so very much, with everything I have," I started to sob and averted my eyes from his. "I hope you know that, whatever comes out of this."

His eyes flashed with an emotion that I couldn't understand before he pried one of my hands off of my coffee mug, holding it firmly in his own. "I hope that you know I feel exactly the same way, love."

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks as I let out a heavy sigh. I gripped his hand like it was the last time I would do so. The silence fell over us like a blanket of snow in the wintertime, so very cold and sobering.

I looked up into his eyes. "I can't do this anymore."

His eyes got wide for a moment in an expression of disbelief. "What do you mean you can't do this anymore, Bella?"

I choked back a sob. "I can't be with you anymore, Edward. I love you, but you bring me more tears than happiness and I cannot continue to live my life this way."

Tears started pooling in his eyes. He pulled his hand away from mine and started to grab at his hair. It looked like he was trying to rip every single piece away from its his scalp. "So that it. We're done," he laughed bitterly. "Four years together means nothing to you?"

"You goddamn know that it means something to me!" I cried out in anger, letting all the feelings inside boil over. "This is tearing me apart inside! I just cannot cry over you anymore."

When I looked at his face, I saw all the laugher, happiness, pain and hurt that we had experienced together. Edward had once said to me that sometimes love wasn't enough to hold two people together. I began to realize the power of his statement, and knew in my heart that the unintentional hurt that we inflicted upon one another had to stop. That is what brought me to this point.

I looked back at his face to see that it was soaked in his salty tears. I had to employ massive amounts of will power to keep from going to him and sitting on his lap, kissing away his pain and tears. I revoked that right mere minutes ago. Was that the right decision?

I stood firm in my mind. _Yes, it was._

"What can I do, Bella?" he asked quietly. "What can I do to fix this?"

I couldn't take the defeat in his voice. "You can't do anything. This has been a long time coming and we both know it," I replied stoically to keep the gut-wrenching emotion from invading my demeanor. _I just hate that it had to be me to break__.__both his heart and my own._

"Is this about the marriage thing? Is it about us not living together? I swear I can fix…" he started.

"No, Edward. You had plenty of opportunities to fix this. I don't want these things out of pity!" I raised my voice an octave higher, earning me curious stares from some of the other patrons in the shop.

"I don't understand why you are doing this," he replied stiffly. "What do you want from me?"

I sighed and felt a fresh rain of tears fall down my cheeks. "There is nothing you can do to change this. It's about marriage and living together; it's about being happy. It's about us wanting different things in life right now. I need to live, Edward. Call me selfish, but I cannot handle the sadness in this relationship anymore."

He stopped pulling his hair to wipe the tears off of his flushed cheeks. Covering his eyes and taking a deep breath, he rubbed small circles over top of his eyelids before lowering his hands and finding purchase on the table. His eyes shifted towards mine, searching. The tension between us was palpable as each of us searched for words that felt adequate for our situation. Minutes ticked by slowly before he spoke again.

"So this is it?"

I nodded my head sadly. "I hope that in time we can be friends, because I cannot imagine my life without my best friend. I just can't be your girlfriend anymore."

He looked taken aback. He drew a breath as to speak, but quickly exhaled. In one quick motion, he rose from his chair and turned his back on me, exiting the coffee shop without another word to me.

It was then my turn to look taken aback to no audience. The enormity of what had unfolded in the last half hour came crashing down on me. I buried my head in my folded arms and let the tears flow.

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**Authors note: I know, angst. Remember that this story is based on snapshots of ExB life together.... the good is in there with the bad. I promise the next chapter will be a little more lighthearted. This is my first real crack at writing something, soooooo... let me know if it's crap, mmkay?  
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